I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
