we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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