Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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