I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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