why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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