I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Someone came in the potted fern
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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