We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
