I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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