I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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