You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
