Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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