I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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