rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
