Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
