Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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