My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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