haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
