i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
True college students do jello shots in the library
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