apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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