I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
one might say we're banned from that church
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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