I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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