And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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