ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
