Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
