She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
