come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
