Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
