He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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