Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
