i think i have two assholes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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