He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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