What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
