im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
