quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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