I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
