the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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