He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
