i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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