So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
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