I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
