I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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