So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
