She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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