Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
