I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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