that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
