I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
