Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
