She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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