wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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