hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
