I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
