I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
