yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
