by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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