So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize