I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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