just come out here and I will go home with you...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
