Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm both gender and math confused
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
