today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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