i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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