I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
