Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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