lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I supernannyed him into submission
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
