nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
