***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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