tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
