Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
