He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
