I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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