# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
