i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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