He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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