yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
