man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
