just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
